So @jackmackenroth is either the funniest gay man on Twitter or the gayest funny man on Twitter, I’m not sure which. That said, I love Jack for two reasons… 1. He’s hilariously funny and 2. he *might* be the only person on Twitter that can beat me at dodge ball (the kind with red utility balls inflated to 10 lbs). Side note: I didn’t watch Jack on TV, but my wife loves him for it and I keep promising to check out his greatest hits from Bravo on YouTube. If you aren’t following @jackmackenroth go do it now….Unless you are a dude in the GOP and then follow him and deny it.
Here are 13 of my favorites because 10 just aren’t enough.
1. Apparently weed is considered a gateway drug. That explains how I got to Narnia.
2. Girl on subway puts on a full face of make up and no one even looks. I pull out one eyelash curler and I’m the freak.
3. You: “I called, texted, emailed, facebooked and tweeted you.”
Me: “So weird. I didn’t get them because I hate you.”
4. We all know the dangers of mixing sleeping pills and alcohol but the real danger is sleeping pills and laxatives.
5. Sorry it ended this way. I will always cherish the overidealized misconception I had of you.
6. Give a man fire and he’s warm for a while but set him on fire and he’s warm for the rest of his life.
7. Never hit a man with glasses. Hit him with a shovel.
8. One thing that the Tea Party and us homos have in common is that we don’t want them raising their kids near us either.
9. I bought a car off Bonnie Tyler last year. It runs ok, but every now and then it falls apart.
10. Odds are if you’re a ‘chubby chaser’, you probably wont have to run too far.
11. No matter what that Chinese character tattoo means in English it still says “douche” in every language.
12. I wear the high-wasted capri pants in this relationship.
13. I’m not sure why they use the term ‘sex kitten’ because every time I’ve tried I just get red eyes and scratches.
Alright, it’s Friday. How about some of you people have a few adult beverages and make this a picture thing.
This is a lot of Christs on Crosses!
Power it up, Point it in.
Let me begin.
I came to bore.
PowerPoint that’s a sin.
I won’t share the slide deck.
Punk you’d better respect.
Try and read the slides and the whole team will reject.
Okay Tumblr, I have 7 or 8 Minnesota State Fair postcards just waiting to be sent. If you want one, send me your address.
That if you gave me and BDGarp a bottle of whiskey and MrWordsWorth all you could drink pop…Then set us up on a stage with some decent audio equipment, we could hold a course in the history of Rock & Roll.