Sometimes I Don't Mind

So @jackmackenroth is either the funniest gay man on Twitter or the gayest funny man on Twitter, I’m not sure which.  That said, I love Jack for two reasons… 1. He’s hilariously funny and 2. he *might* be the only person on Twitter that can beat me at dodge ball (the kind with red utility balls inflated to 10 lbs).  Side note: I didn’t watch Jack on TV, but my wife loves him for it and I keep promising to check out his greatest hits from Bravo on YouTube.   If you aren’t following @jackmackenroth go do it now….Unless you are a dude in the GOP and then follow him and deny it. 

Here are 13 of my favorites because 10 just aren’t enough.

1. Apparently weed is considered a gateway drug. That explains how I got to Narnia.

2. Girl on subway puts on a full face of make up and no one even looks. I pull out one eyelash curler and I’m the freak.

3. You: “I called, texted, emailed, facebooked and tweeted you.”
Me: “So weird. I didn’t get them because I hate you.”

4. We all know the dangers of mixing sleeping pills and alcohol but the real danger is sleeping pills and laxatives.

5. Sorry it ended this way. I will always cherish the overidealized misconception I had of you.

6. Give a man fire and he’s warm for a while but set him on fire and he’s warm for the rest of his life.

7. Never hit a man with glasses. Hit him with a shovel.

8. One thing that the Tea Party and us homos have in common is that we don’t want them raising their kids near us either.

9. I bought a car off Bonnie Tyler last year. It runs ok, but every now and then it falls apart.

10. Odds are if you’re a ‘chubby chaser’, you probably wont have to run too far.

11. No matter what that Chinese character tattoo means in English it still says “douche” in every language.

12. I wear the high-wasted capri pants in this relationship.

13. I’m not sure why they use the term ‘sex kitten’ because every time I’ve tried I just get red eyes and scratches.

don’t have a cat

Dogstache, fishstache, babystache doesn’t matter…just glue a pet to your face and have at it.

Alright, it’s Friday.  How about some of you people have a few adult beverages and make this a picture thing.

This is a lot of Christs on Crosses!

House of Pain PowerPoint

Power it up, Point it in.
Let me begin.
I came to bore.
PowerPoint that’s a sin.
I won’t share the slide deck.
Punk you’d better respect.
Try and read the slides and the whole team will reject.

day drinking began at 8:00am promptly.. you’re late so you have to clean up the vomit first :)

That used to be the case, but now I’m happy to start at 1 PM - or 10:30 Central on football Sundays.

Okay Tumblr, I have 7 or 8 Minnesota State Fair postcards just waiting to be sent.  If you want one, send me your address. 

While I slip this condom on, why don’t you explain why you were googling “burning at the.”

I had a momentary steak/stake conundrum that needed to be resolved before I posted a tweet.

That if you gave me and BDGarp a bottle of whiskey and MrWordsWorth all you could drink pop…Then set us up on a stage with some decent audio equipment, we could hold a course in the history of Rock & Roll.