YES! - That just came up the other day too… amazingly, the piece I wrote for the work blog is still my most read article - I guess that has to do with all the CRAZY PEOPLE WHO ARE OBSESSED WITH PINK BATHROOMS.
I just want to take a moment to recognize the contribution of the nearly 200,000 Scrubbing Bubbles who bravely sacrificed their lives today so that I could have a sparkling clean bathroom. You may be gone, anthropomorphic steel can cleaning product, but you are not forgotten. Your memory will always live on in my heart.
Sorry, the standard answer doesn’t allow me to include links, so we are going to go this route.
We had a really good time last night and I was impressed that so many people came on less than 24 hour’s notice. Wwwesty, Geturowncoffee and her very funny boyfriend, JWynia and his wife, FlyoverFi, Puddingboobs, and JustJoshingU all showed up on a weeknight to watch me get drunk – total side note, one of my biggest failings at these events is that I start drinking and talking and forget to eat. Fiona caringly reminds me several times, but I never seem to get around to it. This means I was the biggest disappointment. Honestly, I’ve hung out with all of these folks on multiple occasions so there isn’t anything too juicy to report. Then just thinking of all the wonderful people we get at TCFU that couldn’t be there, I think is the biggest selling point of coming to a Twin Cities tweet-up.
However, the number one reason to attend a Twin Cities tweet-up is the amazing weather. I think Julie put it best:
Seriously though, we were talking about it last night. Knowing that the blisteringly cold would prevent any but the heartiest locals from making the trek here, we kind of talked about what we could do for the summer tweet-up. The first idea was to do something closer to the Mall of America, although I’m not really a big fan of moving things into the burbs – especially since from either downtown it’s a quick trip out there on public transport. The second idea was to do something in conjunction with the Minnesota State Fair since it’s such an amazing and unbelievable event – but public transport for that is a challenge since it’s so busy. It’s not like Chicago and New York (both were great tweet-ups) where it’s a destination. Minneapolis and Saint Paul are more of a “well it sounds cool” kind of place, so I’m open to suggestions. I think if we really wanted to drive attendance, I’d set the summer date earlier in the spring and then nag the shit out of people until they decided to attend. I mean we’ve never had anything but an amazing time, and people better recognize (or we’ll just be passive-aggressively despondent about it as is the way in Minnesota). There are a million and one reasons a person should travel to the Twin Cities for a tweet-up, they just don’t know what those reasons are – a lot of people also seem to not know that Saint Paul is the capital of Minnesota, but that’s a story for another time.
You've met me. Sum me up in a paragraph but be nice because, well, you've met me. We both know what I'm capable of.
I feel like I need to write this in the format of a TV show character description: A plucky Kentucky single mom experiences love and friendship in the digital age while learning important life lessons. Hilarity ensues.
Since I can’t ever write just one paragraph (it’s either a tweet or a novella), how about I go with one single character trait that I find to be the most important?
That would be you complete and utter resolve to confront the unknown. I initially wanted to use fearlessness, but that would be untrue. Throughout your writing, and in the time I’ve spent talking with you (time well spent I might add), I’ve learned that just like the rest of us, you fear the unknown. However, your willingness to swallow that fear, sigh, and push forward into the murky darkness is probably what I would tell people about you first. From the time you left home to today, you are willing to put yourself out there, take risks and then usually reap the benefits (except for underpants-wearing-internet-dating-picture-guy).
So if I only could use a word, it would probably be “resolve” but since I had a whole paragraph I got to explain that I wasn’t comparing you to a stain remover.
Since graduating college, I’ve been lucky (both in the physical and digital worlds) to get to share my life with some of the smartest, funniest, caring and kind people anyone could hope to know and every single day I am humbled that they willingly call me a friend.
I mean on a rational level, I get it…I’m a decent and good person, but there’s the deeper irrational emotional core that always worries that those amazing people are going to have a party and intentionally not invite you (then spend the evening laughing at your expense). That’s never going to go away. It’s also why I feel compelled to make sure I tell people how I feel about them, and where they stand with me.
When it comes to friendship, uncertainty is an evil weapon. Folks have to work hard to earn my friendship, but once it’s gained it’s unwavering.
So having someone call me a friend, and know that it means something humbles me more than anything else.
My wife purchased a one-way ticket on the NyQuil express, destination Sleepytown. So it’s just you, me and a Jack & Coke or two tonight Tumblr. If you are bored, feel free to ask me a question. Otherwise, I’ll just sit back, relax and get annoyed every thirty seconds when the cat tries to get back into my lap.
I want to clarify my last post. I’ve had the absolute honor to spend time in Chicago and New York City with Adam, Matt, Erika, Kris and Mr. Garp and they are the most intelligent and wonderful collection of humanity you could ever wish to meet. While I want to lay the smack down on them for the amazing brunches they host, there is no other collection of people I’d want to share an egg bake with (I’ve already told my parents they are shit out of luck next holiday). Seriously, if you don’t like any of them, just cash in your ticket to life right now because you don’t get the miracle of carbon based reality. Honestly, it’s an honor to spend real life time with them and the myriad of personalities that appreciate them (I’m looking at you Hadzilla, yzupp and others). Seriously, I love this crew as much as an a emotionally stunted only child can and that’s hard to write. I love my Twin Cities people and I love the DC crew. Some day, I hope to pound mimosas and omelets with them.
Now we all know my dear friend Jusky is one hard brunching motherfucker. Emppalp can wear a tie and three days of scruff like no one’s business. Trolleycat likes her 9 AM beers and NO ONE ON THE INTERNETS LOVES BACON LIKE KRIS.
This is the A-Fucking-Team of Brunch right there people.
However, when comparing them to the Twin Cities wings, burgers and beers group, only one word comes to mind for the DC Crew: Mediocrity.
Yes, I said it. DC is a great team of rookies, but to use a baseball metaphor, the Minneapolis/Saint Paul tweet-up people are the Teddy Fucking Ballgame of drinking and eating.
Wwwesty, Geturowncoffee, and I have been drinking since Jusky was still teething (Adam is done teething, right?) AND I’m pretty sure that Wwwesty actually shoots the cow that goes on his burger.
Has Kris has ever shot a bartender to get her mimosa? I DON’T FUCKING THINK SO.
I’ve been drinking since Erika was using a pacifier. And honestly, when I was using a pacifier I’d crawl over to the liquor cabinet when my parents weren’t looking to dunk it in some Jack.
Finally, I’m pretty sure if Matt showed up at a Twin Cities tweet-up, Julie would try to tuck him in around 8 PM to make sure he got a good night of sleep.
What about BDGarp? Yeah, even we don’t have anyone here that should be institutionalized *but in a good way* like him.
That said, don’t even get me riled up about @sshatmaddie, MrSysex, Jill, JWynia, PuddinBoobs, MrTuttle and others. This collection makes the Brunch Team look like a bunch of amateurs
So give it up with your Sultans of Sausage, your Excellency of Eggs, your Majesty of Mimosas, and your Bombast of Bacon.
As soon as us Twin Cities people get up from our naps, stretch, pay the baby sitter and get our drink on…. We are coming for you.
The top reason I love Tumblr is because on no other social media platform can a 37 year old man post a picture of himself in a sock monkey hat and people think, “I’m going to validate the shit outta that monkey hat wearing motherfucker.”
In a minute, I’ll be waking Fiona up from a long winter’s nap (actually only about 90 minutes). Then it will be time for me to make Christmas Eve Brinner (I WILL BE MAKING ALL THE BACONS!!) and then hopefully a holiday movie or two. Tomorrow, we head over to a friend’s house for “Jewish Christmas” - which is always a ton of fun.
It really hard being away from family (even the in-laws and the occasional outlaws) during the holidays, but we will make do.
I hope if you are lucky enough to be with family this holiday season, you take a minute away from the sighing and annoyed eye rolling to give your forced-by-genetics loved ones a big, long, awkward and eventually uncomfortable hug.
Everyone loves lists, so here’s a hand picked one from 30 different tweeters. Consider this a year end Follow Friday (ACK!) of accounts and people I absolutely love to read every single freakin’ day. Of course, this was supposed to be a top ten list, then it became a top twenty-five and so on up until I forced myself to stop at 30. Anyway, give the tweets below a read and if you aren’t following all of these folks, please rectify that ASAP. Names link to the tweet, so you can star, retweet, or make out with any of the tweets below you may have previously missed.
@_rhi - I like my coffee like I like my universe: of questionable origin, pulled from a drip singularity, and expanding towards a heat death.
@amuirin - Thanks to the Twilight series, my daughter can now locate the carotid artery on disco Barbie.
@AngelaHelga - Pediatricians are saying that boxing isn’t safe for children, but how else are you supposed to ship them?
@BDGarp - A movie about my life would look a lot like some guy in a parking lot looking for his car.
@CroweJam - My wife’s favorite position is the one where I lie very still wearing nothing but a toe tag and she starts dating again.
@donni - “I’m not only the President of Bear Club For Men…” (rips off mask) "…I’m ALSO A BEAR! ARRGH!" (eats studio audience)
@gneicco - You know, Microsoft, if you had called it Bang, you’d have destroyed Google.
Example: I just Banged Catherine Zeta Jones.
@HeyitsLori - I like to yell “boo-ya!!” and slap my coupons down on the check-out lane so people know I’m serious about saving 75 cents.
@JordyHamrick - My sexual encounters are a lot like television. I build the suspense, then cut to a commercial break and try to sell the woman a Slap Chop.
@juicymorsel - Don’t put words in my mouth. I keep my feet in there.
So I wrote a work blog I thought I’d annoy you with over here (because I know how much y’all love it when I cross post to all the social media platforms!). Spoiler Alert: It’s about NORAD’s Santa Tracker Program.
In the mid 80’s, when my dad got fed up with horrible rabbit ear reception for Cleveland Browns games, we got cable television. Glorious cable television! And after we smacked the side of the TV to make it display in colors other than shades of green, a whole world of video entertainment opened up to me. This included all three movies that were aired over and over and over again on HBO…
The rest is here if you are interested - Santa 2.0
It’s that time of year again to remind people to remember to remind people to remember to help others. As we put gifts under the Hanukkah tree and light the Christmas menorah and generally get engaged with the religious and commercial aspects of the holiday season (and drink), it’s important to remember there are people in this world who can use your help. A lot of people have had a tough time this year, but if you are reading this on an iPad or iPhone you’ve probably still had a better year than someone who can use a gift of flock of baby geese—even if you had to buy a burnt cup coffee from Starbucks to use their Wi-Fi to read this.
Now that we’ve given you an emotional appeal, on December 18th we are going to raise money for Heifer International and want your help. If you are unfamiliar with Heifer International, they are an organization that stresses community involvement through the donation of livestock to families in need throughout the world. They help by being focused on long-term solutions to drive sustainable food sources including milk, eggs and vegetables. It’s an amazing cause and if you want to learn more you can visit their website here http://www.heifer.org/ourwork/our-approach.
So here’s what we’d like you to do:
1. Motivate at least ten of your followers to donate $10 next week. That doesn’t sound like a lot of money from a group of people who get to enjoy your tweets every day. A hundred dollars can buy several flocks of geese for people in need. If you can raise just a little more, your donation can buy a pig. Who doesn’t want to buy a pig? Mmm. Bacon.
2. Write some tweets to post on December 18, with the hashtag #Tweet4Meat. Why a hashtag? I hate hashtags! It’ll allow people who are interested to see all of the tweets from the day, think of it as a Twitterthon if that makes it more palatable. It can still be your regular style content or focused on the holidays or feeding people, but we still want you to entertain.
3. On December 18, if you see someone post “what is #Tweet4Meat?” tell them what it is. Direct them to our site to donate and encourage them to do so.
So if you want to participate please let one of the people below know and we’ll get you added to the list of contributors (and probably someone here will give you a hug). The donation aggregator website we’ll be using, www.firstgiving.com, will be set-up in the next day or two and we’ll provide you that information when it is ready. We’d love to have your help and just maybe we can do a little more than giving a laugh or two to someone while we spend our time writing tweets.
You know my philosophy with respect to protests tends to echo something Milan Kundera once expressed. Organized protest—the sight of people thinking and chanting in unison—is generally more terrifying than whatever the people are protesting. In other words, the answer to our problems is not a kind…
Between the dining room and living room in my grandparents’ old house there was a white arch. Every holiday season, that arch would be covered from top to bottom on both sides with holiday cards. Decked out in vivid greens, reds and whites, with religious symbolism or irreverent reindeer, cards would travel from as far away as Arizona and as close as down the street to end up taped to my grandmother’s arch. Growing up, seeing all those cards from people I knew, or possibly would never meet, was as comforting as the baked ham and cheesy potatoes we’d eat for Christmas dinner. Those cards were a tangible, physical reminder of the many people my family could call friends and loved ones….
snow makes things so pretty. i am only a little envious. ;)
It does right after it snows. My favorite part is the dampening of all noise, almost to the point of true silence—something we don’t really get to experience in the city.
But it’s also a pain in the ass when you are going to a bar that serves gourmet hotdogs, but you don’t know if your friends from the suburbs are going to drive in and you haven’t heard from them and it’s only 45 minutes until you stand out in the cold and snow with your wife so you can drink and then take a cab home operated by a wonderful Somali gentleman who hasn’t ever seen snow, let alone driven in it, before tonight.
I know I’m more of a Twitter guy, but I think the thing I really appreciate about Tumblr is this…
When I miss a day on Twitter, people are all like “fuck that guy for not paying attention to me today.” When I miss a week on Tumblr, people are like “hey asshole, we missed you this week, is everything cool?”
There’s something reassuring to know that people don’t demand something from you other than “showing up to have a beer” and hang out with the knowledge that I’m genuinely going to go back and read what you’ve been up to for the week, rather than some real time desire for validation.
Validation is cool and all, but I’m ready to drink my Mountain Dew and vodka and see what y’all have been up to since Thanksgiving without worrying that someone has the red ass because I didn’t immediately validate their thoughts.
I’ve missed your faces. You need to come around more often.
I’ve missed my smiling face as well :) I had a really rough end of semester, but I’m on break until January so I’ll be around more during the holiday. I promise. Fiona, however, I’ve been harassing the shit out of her to post more. I think you all should flood the FlyoverFi ask box imploring her to post more often (I’m not winning that war).