Long time, no Tumbl.
When FlyoverJoel first suggested we do something to help others during the season of over-indulgence, I suspected it was to distract us from the nacho cheese stains on his shirt.
Instead the melding of great deeds and warped minds produced #Tweet4Meat — an annual event so worthy that even the smartest, funniest people on Twitter will use a hashtag without shame or remorse for the benefit of people who can’t star, retweet or trophy.
In the first two years, #Tweet4Meat raised $7,784 to buy chickens, bees, hoes and seeds and other elements of sustainable farming and community development for people who have little food, less liquor and no Wi-Fi.
These are the people who benefit from your donations to Heifer International.
So beginning Dec. 4, we’ll write and post dumb jokes relentlessly across all time zones — on every continent — until we meet our goal of $7,000, an apocalyptic prophesy is fulfilled or Dec. 11, whichever comes first.
How can you help?
First: Donate between Dec. 4-11. Put down that catalog from Patagonia or Brookstone and browse through Heifer’s fine-feathered offerings. I mean, where else can you buy a llama and provide food and reliable income for the nations? Then make a donation at firstgiving.com.
Second: Put your mouth where your money is. From Dec. 4-11, tell some #Tweet4Meat jokes and share the donation link with the same fervor as a #FF for your favorite tweeter.
If you have an idea you’d like to share, email Tweet4Meat2013@gmail.com or let me or @Flyover know — or someone on this list of folks who keep supporting Tweet4Meat. They’re some of the finest people you’d never make eye contact with:
gneicco • alisonforns • AmberTozer •AngelaHelga • anythingatonce • blobert • CabbageNews • Cheeseboy22 • CoatCzech • Cosell • cpinck • drivewaydranker • FilthyRichmond • Greeblemonkey • HeyitsLori • Home_Halfway • Hormonella • IGotsSmarts • JennyPentland • jerryrenek • JoeSchmitt • John_M15 • JPHaddadio • juskewitch • karentozzi • LaetPO • Lafix • LifeCoachers • Meetingboy • MrBigFists • Nickadoo • OhNoSheTwitnt • Paxochka • ProfessorSnack • PuddingBoobs • ReelQuinn • RexHuppke • RockabillyJay • ScottLinnen • shanethevein • shariv67 • Smethanie • SortaBad • Squirreljustice • StellaRtwot • SteveHuff • susie_meister • TeaPartyCat • TheBosha • theguydf • theleanover • TheNardvark • TinyNietzsche • tnylgn • ToneLoaf • UncleDynamite • VerifiedDrunk • VocabuLarry • WarrenHolstein • yoyoha • JosephScrimshaw • Pauly_Miller • EricMarten • Untresor • Peter-john Byrnes • JaySuch • TheBlessMess • Kyle_Lippert • robfee •
You heard me. You probably don’t want to think about it right now, because you’re paying down a mortgage or raising kids, or having love troubles, or juggling so much stress that you’re pretty sure your hairline is receding by the hour-
So let’s change *your* context a little bit, and…
Join these cool kids and donate something to the Generous City Auction site today. Not only will you get a warm and fuzzy feeling for participating in worthy cause but you get the honor of joining this cast of characters on The Wall of Heroes. All proceeds to benefit the rehabilitation of @sucittam’s wife Danielle. For all the details, visit http://tiny.cc/e2b5sw.
And stay tuned. We have custom shirts coming your way as well.
"Hello Mannequin Supply, why yes we would like a couple of them with the extra firm nipples. No, we don’t need any leg below the knee."
Gilesmarie asked: Why is Chad such an asshole?
The biggest asshole I’ve ever met in my life went to my high school and his name was Chad. Other than a coworker’s husband, most Chad’s I’ve met are terrible.
serenebabe asked: are those gnomes back there?
Yes, In the background there’s a Cleveland Browns 7-Up Bottle, a long legged flamingo, and Indians, Cubs and Ohio State Buckeyes gnomes.
almostfancy said: I can’t stop looking at your teeth. They are really white. No…in a good way.
I wish they were as white in real life as they look in the video - I think it’s a color correction offset from the muted yellow walls that look insanely bright in the video.
You’ve probably already seen the hashtag #Tweet4Meat on the intertweets, well, it’s a good cause and it’s great to see so many people trying to further it.
My (easily debatable) brilliant idea to encourage donations is that I will be giving away a…
It is widely known that many, perhaps even most of us have no fucks to give. This sad truth, especially with it being holiday time and all, has inspired me to create Adopt-a-Fuck®. With Adopt-a-Fuck® you can have a fuck handy when you need one most. Like at the office Christmas party when some big wig asks “And how about you, Delmore? Are you involved in any charities?” or on a date, when your giving a fuck may well decide whether you’re getting one or not.
“But Debbie,” I can hear you asking, “how can a regular schlub like me get a fuck to give?” Relax, common person, because I’m here to tell you it’s easy. For instance, my Adopt-a-Fuck® this year, like last year now that I think about it, is https://www.firstgiving.com/fundraiser/tweet4meat/201.
By adopting that particular fuck, I can daydream about the terrified eyes of children watching from behind their mother’s skirts as massive animals called “cows” are delivered to their starving and otherwise rustic village for the very first time; I can fantasize about aboriginal medicine men/medicine gals (in Tennessee) investigating the town’s new flock of chickens and announcing to the gathered citizenry “Holy fuck! These things shit breakfast!”
And best of all, I can blather on and on about “sustainable agriculture” to babes at the bar like I had even the slightest idea what I was talking about. And you can too.
It’s fast. It’s easy. And if you give your fuck today it’ll be tax deductible for 2011.
So act now. Just talk to a couple friends, the fleshy kind or the online kind, and Adopt-a-Fuck® together or, these being modern times, adopt a fuck without any fucking partners, fuck them!
I wish you many fucks to have and many, many fucks to give but remember, there’s always Adopt-a-Fuck®… just in case.